Learning To Stop The Guilt Trip!
A Writer's Ramblings
I haven’t been writing that much lately. I think it is part being tired, part not wanting to use my brain, part the world being a mess. It’s probably a conglomeration of many things, but the result is that my creativity has really been put aside. More like stuffed into a trunk and thrown into my crawl space, if I am being honest. Of course, this isn’t the first time I have done this and I doubt that it will be the last, but I made the conscious decision to stop guilt tripping myself over it.
If you are a part of the writing community, I am sure that you’ve heard that you should write everyday, create a sustainable writing habit, and do things to boost your creativity when you feel blocked. But there’s not too many life hacks when you just no longer have the energy. Writer’s block is usually when you want to write, but I am at the point where I know I should, yet really don’t want to. I want to sleep, walk, or participate in some activity that doesn’t require much critical thinking or worldbuilding. After all, being a writer is a full time job. We create entire worlds in our heads and then put them onto paper and hope that they will make sense to someone else. What if I just don’t want to work?
When I get this way, the first thoughts that tend to come are along the lines of. “How can you call yourself a writer if you don’t want to write?” Or, “this is why you aren’t published as broadly as you want,” “you suck,” “just another thing you fail at, huh? Too bad there’s no prize for failure.” And others. Sometimes this makes me get up and force myself to write, resulting in handwritten garbage…other times, it just makes me feel worse and takes my desire to write even lower into the void. Like, why is my own mind out to get me?!
Have you ever felt like this?
I have decided to give myself some grace this time. Instead of letting those sorts of thoughts take root in my head, I decided to congratulate myself for all the things I have done. Whether it be in my work, in my physical health, or some other area. It’s not like I haven’t been doing anything. It’s just that when it comes time to write, I have maxed out my mental bandwidth and have no more spoons. But at least I was doing something. And while it may not be a big thing to others, I wasn’t just twiddling thumbs or watching Netflix.
The same is true with my reading habit. By this time last year, I had read over 15 books! That is waayyyy more than I have read this year. I’ve been tired, have had a lot of new responsibilities thrust on me, and am doing my best to keep myself afloat. And I love reading, it’s one of the very few things I am actually good at. And I miss it terribly. However, even though I set a reading goal every year, that doesn’t mean I can’t say to myself that it’s okay if things don’t go according to plan. I still enjoy reading, I am just not gorging on the written word like I want. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, or guilt myself over.
If you also have a hard time with this, you and I aren’t the only ones! I hope this short post encourages you to keep chugging along at whatever pace suits who you are today. No more guilt tripping or letting goals define you. Be you and be real with yourself.
Happy writing, resting, or whatever you have the spoons enough to do! And if you liked this post and want to help fuel my caffeine addiction, buy me a cup of tea over at Ko-Fi.